prehistorian:
stop for a minute and realize you are a 10lb brain piloting a slab of meat
(Source: easternbabe, via patrick-sideburns)
A dramatic Shakespearean response to every situation
When something bad happens: True is it that we have seen better days.
When something REALLY bad happens: O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day! Most lamentable day. Most woeful day That ever, ever I did yet behold! O day, O day, O day! O hateful day! Never was seen so black a day as this.O woeful day! O woeful day!
When people say that something is wrong because the Bible says so: The Devil can cite scripture for his purpose.
When my girlfriend abandons me for food: FRAILTY, THY NAME IS WOMAN!
When someone doesn't thank me for holding the door open for them: BLOW, BLOW, BLOW, THOU WINTER WIND! THOU ART NOT SO UNKIND AS MAN'S INGRATITUDE!
When I burn something while cooking: MY CAKE IS DOUGH!
When human stupidity frustrates me: LORD, WHAT FOOLS THESE MORTALS BE!
When someone says I'm going to hell for my sins: NYMPH, IN THY ORISONS BE ALL MY SINS REMEMBER'D.
When I'm broke: My pride fell with my fortunes
When someone turns the light on after a period of darkness and blinding light ensues: OH, SHE DOTH TEACH THE TORCHES TO BURN BRIGHT!
When someone disagrees with me: THERE ARE MORE THINGS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH, HORATIO, THEN ARE DREAMT OF IN YOUR PHILOSOPHY.
When I argue with my girlfriend: The course of true love never did run smooth.
When I'm embarrassed: MUST I HOLD A CANDLE TO MY SHAMES?!
Someone says "Good Night": Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.
Fathers Day
people: what are you doing to celebrate father's day?
me: my dad is dead.
people:
me:
people:
me: hahahahaha.... yeah, but really. he died of cancer.
people:
me: so what about you?
the-villain-in-training:
reveseveilles:
I think my mouth is hanging open…
OMG I’M FUCKING CRYING
(Source: pixiv.net, via followme-intothesea)
malkatz:
i hate when people vilify psychiatric pills as ‘mind-altering drugs’
like
yes
that’s exactly what they are
they are for mental illness
mental
if i had a kidney-related illness, i would hope to have kidney-altering drugs on the market
(via brashblacknonbeliever)
readytopanic:
Ahh look it’s my home
(Source: thlscentury, via purgatorydean)
nochristmasjokesplz:
battle-creys:
real-or-knot-real:
F is for friends who do stuff together
U is for you and me
N is for anywhere and anytime at all
down here in the deep blue sea
F is for fire that burns down the whole town!
U is for Uranium…Bomb!
N is for NOOOO SURVIVERRRRRRS!!!!
In all fairness, we should have seen this coming.
(via intimewemarch)
